BEARDWATCH SCOTLAND.
TROUBLED TIMES, EYES PEELED.
Or
I TRIM THE BARBER.

BY CORTINA N BRADSTAFF

Those of you who are regular admirers of my stout column will be aware that many devilish stylings have occupied a special place in my heart over the years. We have seen the arrival of Kosovan refugee chic within the city’s artistic beat elite. We have marvelled at the resurgence of the malcontent moonboot, pink Pringle putting sweaters and the presence of the parka amongst the under nourished. Now we face a new challenge to conventional notions of the acceptable. Over the past year it has come to my attention that a significant number of the significant have sported excessive facial hair. That is, beards. The time has arrived that we may study, thence learn and prosper.

Long time guardian of face fluff, William Clark, divides his time between the editing suite of Variant magazine’s plush city centre chambers and his remote Highland hunting hideaway. Squire Clark’s co-editor, blonde bombshell Leigh French, has recently joined the ranks of the bearded, albeit on a sporadic, guerilla style hit and run basis. This young tike’s facial forestry is a shock of vibrant late autumn sunshine with just a hint of iced lemon. As noted, the creature is a non-permanent feature but a most welcome sighting when days grow shorter and the chill hand of winter caresses our flushed cheeks.

Moving on Eastwards, tramping purposefully twixt hill and loch, we come to the fair city of Dundee and more particularly our cart draws up sharply at the raised drawbridge of top people’s gallery DCA, "The Lisson of The North". Within it’s lottery funded walls lucky twitchers may spy curatorial intern Robin E Tuffnell. Robin’s nest, like Master French’s before him, is a periodic visitor to the craggy outcrop of his jaw but when in season it’s bold, raw plumage is a tonic for the jaded city eye. As the poet said, "Cast thy gaze upon the field, For a tonic it will surely yield."

Who will join their ranks in 2002? Keep ‘em peeled.

Next issue: Shoulderpad Shocker. Plus, if you thought the Bowlhead style was a thing of the past then think again. We have startling evidence of a disturbing new trend. It’s not all piss poor post punk retro round here you know.